So, duty sucks. Totally. Stuck on a boat that is built for being out to sea, with a crew of over 350. Only during a duty day in port, only about 40 people onboard. You get bored after awhile. And everyone kinda holes up in their shop. Yay me! (totally not though)
And to cap that off, I can think of a million other things to be doing right now. Games with the kids, snogging and snuggles with Kate on the couch. Tons of other things. Those two stick out though.
But even if I weren't on duty, Kate is busy with the girls tonight and the kids are visiting their mom at her place. So I would be home alone, cold beer and ESPN. Which again is totally a hundred times better than standing duty. Esp duty with a late watch. Getting up at 0230 for watch from 0300 - 0800 is not cool. At all. Esp in port San Diego. At the naval base. When my watch is security. Seriously. Like they don't have to get past the base police, base security and the pluthera of marines and navy personnel working base posts. Oh and the security gates. yah, I don't think I could stop them with my little pistol if they managed that. But still I stand the watch.
So, in conculsion. Duty sucks. I could be doing something else. And did I mention the fact Kate is with the girls tonight? And I am at least one of the subjects they are talking about. Not the only one, but still. Every flaw and such under the microscope of those lovely ladies.
Yah, duty sucks.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
nuff said
Today is Tuesday. Return to San Diego next Thursday. Do the math. 9 days. 9 friggin days to home!
Nuff said.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
they fucking dumped you to the side of the road (venting part 2)
I've never been one to make fun of people who reach out to get help. I am also not one to take advantage of those same people. But suddenly I am in a position that it could totally be worthwhile to do just that. In the interest of my children.
So, do I put my morals, ethics and stance aside and do this, which then shows them that sometimes I cannot keep my word or that I do not always practice what I preach, or do I NOT do it and possibly risk them by exposing them to harm or potential harm?
Sometimes, I really fucking hate the fucking mother of my children. She can be such a bitch. And not that bitch in a good way where it helps you get your way at the customer service counter, but that bitch in the bad way that makes you feel obligated to keep fucking taking care of them long after they fucking dumped you to the side of the road. I mean, she wanted the grass on the other side, why the fuck she keeps coming back to me is only something she can answer.
And she's not being very talkative.
So, do I put my morals, ethics and stance aside and do this, which then shows them that sometimes I cannot keep my word or that I do not always practice what I preach, or do I NOT do it and possibly risk them by exposing them to harm or potential harm?
Sometimes, I really fucking hate the fucking mother of my children. She can be such a bitch. And not that bitch in a good way where it helps you get your way at the customer service counter, but that bitch in the bad way that makes you feel obligated to keep fucking taking care of them long after they fucking dumped you to the side of the road. I mean, she wanted the grass on the other side, why the fuck she keeps coming back to me is only something she can answer.
And she's not being very talkative.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
something I cannot and will not understand
This is a serious post. That is not a sarcastic opening. Normally, I fill this up with junk. Or my anger rants about work. Or something random off the wall. Or a philosophical view about something. And that is in the short time I have been blogging. No, this one, is serious. Something has happened in my life, that I just need to post and get off my chest and try to understand.
I am divorced. A single parent. I happen to be a single dad in this case. I have two WONDERFUL children. Full of joy and laughter and love. I also have custody of the children.
However, I am in the Navy. This makes me deploy. Frequently while assigned to a ship. Or sea duty in this case. So, my children stay with their mother while I am gone. They love their mom and it was something we established in agreement. That both parents would take a full hand in raising the children. That neither of us would cut the other out of the children's lives. And for the most part, that is what happens. However...
Every time I leave my homeport and go to sea, it is amazing how poorly she operates financially. Needing money to replace this, repair that. Asking for help paying a bill or buying groceries. Now, before you say, of course, because the kids are with her, know this much. I already pay 450 per paycheck to her. That is 900 a month. That may not seem a lot, but remember, in port they reside with me. So its extra money when I am home. It's money for their needs while I am gone. And being that I only make about 2200 a month anyways (I am an E-5, 4 years of service) its almost half my income. But I also know, it will help ease the pain of buying for three mouths when she has the kids. Yet...
In the past 6 months of my current deployment, I have been asked (and agreed to do it, because she has my kids and I am always going to make sure they are well cared for) to increase the payment from 450 a check to 725. At one point it was 775. That is an additional 275 per check or 550 a month. Four seperate times I paid random bills she got late on for her. When she needed help getting into a new (well, used, but newer) car, I gave her the money for it outright (Why? Because, I know a car payment would have strapped her down a lot, plus the insurance and then that would have made her having the nice place for the kids to stay at when I am gone a much harder thing. At 9 and 8, I want them in their own rooms. Esp. since they have their own rooms at my home.). That was 10,000. So, figure 725 x 2 x 6. Add 10,000. Roughly 3000 in bills and misc. needs that I have paid her. In 6 months. How much is that? 21,700. Where did it go? What was it for?
I never asked. I didn't care. Because each time I called that home number and was able to talk to the my kids, it was worth every penny. Money means nothing compared to being able to hear their voices when you are halfway around the world.
So why am I upset, since I say I don't care? Because...
Their mother, for some strange reason, decided to empty out their savings accounts. Yes, she had access. She had access to the accounts we agreed were for their college education in order to make deposits. We both made deposits for the first couple of months. Then it was just me. But still, every paycheck, I put money in each account. Roughly 150-200 in each account, each month. She emptied it. Its spent. On clothes, randomness, eating out, whatever. She is upset about it. Mad at herself she says. Wants me to fix it...
Well, fuck yah I am going to fix it. I am going to redo the accounts and the amount and keep her off of it. But here is the kicker...
How could a mother put her wants, desires and need for that money above the future dreams and desires of her children? That is something I cannot and will not understand. Ever.
Anyone able to explain this to me?
I am divorced. A single parent. I happen to be a single dad in this case. I have two WONDERFUL children. Full of joy and laughter and love. I also have custody of the children.
However, I am in the Navy. This makes me deploy. Frequently while assigned to a ship. Or sea duty in this case. So, my children stay with their mother while I am gone. They love their mom and it was something we established in agreement. That both parents would take a full hand in raising the children. That neither of us would cut the other out of the children's lives. And for the most part, that is what happens. However...
Every time I leave my homeport and go to sea, it is amazing how poorly she operates financially. Needing money to replace this, repair that. Asking for help paying a bill or buying groceries. Now, before you say, of course, because the kids are with her, know this much. I already pay 450 per paycheck to her. That is 900 a month. That may not seem a lot, but remember, in port they reside with me. So its extra money when I am home. It's money for their needs while I am gone. And being that I only make about 2200 a month anyways (I am an E-5, 4 years of service) its almost half my income. But I also know, it will help ease the pain of buying for three mouths when she has the kids. Yet...
In the past 6 months of my current deployment, I have been asked (and agreed to do it, because she has my kids and I am always going to make sure they are well cared for) to increase the payment from 450 a check to 725. At one point it was 775. That is an additional 275 per check or 550 a month. Four seperate times I paid random bills she got late on for her. When she needed help getting into a new (well, used, but newer) car, I gave her the money for it outright (Why? Because, I know a car payment would have strapped her down a lot, plus the insurance and then that would have made her having the nice place for the kids to stay at when I am gone a much harder thing. At 9 and 8, I want them in their own rooms. Esp. since they have their own rooms at my home.). That was 10,000. So, figure 725 x 2 x 6. Add 10,000. Roughly 3000 in bills and misc. needs that I have paid her. In 6 months. How much is that? 21,700. Where did it go? What was it for?
I never asked. I didn't care. Because each time I called that home number and was able to talk to the my kids, it was worth every penny. Money means nothing compared to being able to hear their voices when you are halfway around the world.
So why am I upset, since I say I don't care? Because...
Their mother, for some strange reason, decided to empty out their savings accounts. Yes, she had access. She had access to the accounts we agreed were for their college education in order to make deposits. We both made deposits for the first couple of months. Then it was just me. But still, every paycheck, I put money in each account. Roughly 150-200 in each account, each month. She emptied it. Its spent. On clothes, randomness, eating out, whatever. She is upset about it. Mad at herself she says. Wants me to fix it...
Well, fuck yah I am going to fix it. I am going to redo the accounts and the amount and keep her off of it. But here is the kicker...
How could a mother put her wants, desires and need for that money above the future dreams and desires of her children? That is something I cannot and will not understand. Ever.
Anyone able to explain this to me?
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